Thursday, 27 June 2013


WORDS | Thea Halpin
In the early hours of a Los Angeles Saturday morning a little fetus became a baby; a little life was created that is the conjoined strength of two of the most culturally relevant human beings of the era.  Kim Kardashian—famous for her theatrical efforts of the sideways tango and having the best self-perpetuating marketing scheme ever—welcomed a baby daughter with boyfriend Kanye West. North, yes North West, is about to do for compass directions what Paris Hilton did for the French capital—ruin the results when you Google it.
The residual days of her pregnancy seemed quieter than the frenzy of the second trimester.  Every man, blogger and his dog became the leading authority in maternal fashion with the ends presumably to compel Kardashian into wearing kaftans, flats and enjoying her pregnancy. A friend of mine remarked on the bizarre KK pregnancy wardrobe “but she is usually so good at dressing for her shape?”  Indeed, Kimmy knows her body and how to work with it.  However, a protruding stomach seemed to be a mountain even she could not climb and a series of unbecoming ensembles followed.  The sight of a heavily pregnant woman teetering through crowds of paparazzi in a sheer dress is enough to make one question the fundamental values of such a person.  Could she really be that vain?  But then again, this is a woman who has built her entire career around her image.  For her vanity is a helpful necessity and beauty treatments are practically professional development.  While we may scoff and ask “so what does she actually do?” the plain fact is that Kim and the whole Kardashian klan have ascended in a culture that we have created.  Whether we claim to love or hate them, clearly we kind of love them: at least enough for them to earn millions of dollars and ascend into popular culture consciousness.

However, baby North’s biological other half presents a whole slew of Kardashian kontradictions and konundrums.  I call it the Kimye Komplex.  Kimye share one very fundamental personality trait: they are both pretty self-possessed.  Yet said self-possession manifests in the two halves in two very different ways.  Kimmy understands that image, paparazzi and sharing intimate details of her life are her bread and butter, therefore politely obliges when it comes to swarming crowds of photographers and bizarre tabloid stories.  Keeping herself famous is her job.  Yeezy on the other hand is experiencing fame as a byproduct of his profession, therefore finds himself free to punch paparazzi and call the media liars at his pleasure.  He will still be famous; he has legions of dedicated fans of his music to fall back on.  Despite his inflated ego and endless self-endorsement, Yeezy is actually quite private; at least more than the Kardashians.  It is hard to believe he will want his baby trotted out to play with the rest of the Kardashian Klan.  Given Kanye’s belief in his higher form of art one can only imagine what he thinks of the Kardashian’s TV show, which recently featured Kourtney Kardashian strapping a dildo to her pelvis and chasing boyfriend Scott around their house so he could experience anal penetration.  Art comes in many different forms but you would be hard-pressed to find someone to argue that that is one of them.  You must also wonder what West thinks of the Kardashian Kollection being the fashion enthusiast that he is—BFFLing out with Anna Wintour at the Met Gala and all that.

How the Kimye Komplex will be resolved remains to be seen.   Given that over a week into the life of the child we are yet to be graced with photos suggests that maybe this baby will not end up as “America’s baby,” as West put it at a concert recently.  Somehow the idea of Kimye agreeing to a Kourtney Kardashian style filmed labour which culminates with her pulling her child out herself seems somewhat unlikely.  It seems hard to imagine Kanye West fronting up to do a to-the-camera interview about driving Kim to the hospital in a Keeping Up With the Kardashians TV special.

However, we must remember that both parties are famous in their own right.  Although it is unknown what Kim would put down under the ‘occupation’ column on her taxes, whatever it is she does do she does it well and does it a lot.  Judging her fame as fickle because she doesn’t produce any form of ‘art’ is like getting angry at your housemate for not asking you before letting someone sleepover.  Like yeah, it would be nice if they did, but in the end if they keep to themselves then nothing is forcing you to have anything to do with them so what do you care?

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